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31,536,000 seconds

18 Aug

One year. 12 months. 365 days. Lots of minutes, and lots of seconds. It has been one whole year since I have drunk any alcohol. What was only intended to last 4 1/2 months (which seemed like a really, really long time at the time) lasted one whole year and counting. It’s surreal. It’s not that it was difficult, because it really wasn’t. I never found myself thinking, “Man, I wish I could have a drink right now.” I wasn’t tempted. I didn’t crave it. I felt too good. It was painful at times because I was doing it all alone, but that, I believe, made me even stronger. Everything was crystal clear, and everything made sense. It was stupid for me not to continue not drinking. But now that I’ve made it to one year, what now? I do not have an answer. I do know I will not be drinking tonight to celebrate.

The past few months have gone by really fast. Summer is nearly over. Where did the time go? I have a birthday coming up, which will cap a year of major changes. I have made some of the most difficult choices I have ever had to make, and taken on the most responsibility I have ever had. What will the next year bring? The unknown is exciting, albeit a little scary. I look back on this time last year, and I don’t even recognize the person I was…who I had become. I don’t ever want to be that person again. She is gone. I buried her, but I will not forget her. She taught me a lot. If I ever am feeling lost again, I will think back, and remind myself I don’t want to go back there…ever. However, without her, I would not be who I am today: strong, on the road to complete and utter happiness, more comfortable in my own skin than I ever have been, hopeful, loveable and likeable, loving, clear-headed, healthy, mature, secure, confident, and determined. No matter what decision I make about my future drinking (or non-drinking), I have learned more about myself in the past year than I ever have. I finally know who I am, what I am supposed to do, what I really want, how to go about it, and I truly like myself. Thank you, year, for being a great teacher. 🙂

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Posted by on August 18, 2010 in Happiness, Uncategorized

 

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